


Fifty Shades of Ashen

by noirallegiance



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-16
Updated: 2012-09-15
Packaged: 2017-11-14 08:33:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/513316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noirallegiance/pseuds/noirallegiance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A self-imposed challenge to write fifty short pieces about different ashen pairings. Set in a loose "everyone is on the meteor" continuity.</p><p>Chapter 1: Terezi/Dave/Karkat</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fifty Shades of Ashen

The scariest thing about Terezi Pyrope, Dave decides, isn’t those unsettlingly long teeth of hers, or her penchant for stuffed dragons. It’s not even the way her sightless red eyes stare right through you. It’s the fact that beneath the FLARP-caped exterior and cutesy legal shtick is a personality of pure, one-hundred percent finest Pyropean steel honed to a point as deadly as the tip of her swordcane. Mercy, in her eyes, is a fallback for the weak who have no concept of justice.

“Wake up, coolkid!” Something soft and plush-rumpy hits Dave in the forehead. His shades wobble dangerously, but he nonchalantly pushes them up with a finger. Said dragongirl is grinning openly at him, but just because she isn’t showing any malice doesn’t mean there’s none there. “The judge requests that the prosecution calls its first witness.”

He shoots a glance at the troll sitting beside him. Karkat Vantas is there, unusually silent, arms crossed and face set into his usual scowl. Dave hates the guy’s guts, but there’s one thing they can agree on: getting Terezi to auspisticise between them was the worst idea ever.

“Prosecution!” Terezi is getting impatient now. “Call your witness!”

“Fine.” Dave’s face doesn’t waver. “The prosecution would like to call Senator Lemonsnout to the stand. It would also like to submit evidence to the court, namely that Vantas is a nubby-horned douche.”

“Fuckmuncher,” mutters Karkat, not quite under his breath.

“The court accepts this evidence!” Terezi is grinning even more widely now as she sets a yellow scalemate down on the table. “Witness, please state your name and occupation.”

“The witness, Pyrope,” Karkat snarls, “is a fucking _plush dragon_. Its occupation is being first, inanimate, and second, party to your strange and fucked-up fetishes.”

“You’re meant to say ‘objection’ first, Karkles,” Terezi whines, not entirely serious but reproachful all the same. “And objection overruled.”

“The prosecution would like to submit this exchange as evidence too,” Dave adds, lightning-quick. “Evidence which demonstrates that Vantas is an insufferable prick even to his auspistice.”

Karkat glares at him. “For fuck’s sake, Strider, stop pretending to know things. The nuances of troll romance are obviously completely lost on you. It’s considered acceptable to behave with some caliginous intention towards the conciliatory partner in an auspisticeship-”

“Order!” snaps Terezi. “Senator, give your testimony.”

“The prosecution requests that it be allowed to interpret,” Dave deadpans.

“Granted.”

“The Senator attests that he was in the computer lab, which was empty except for one Dave Strider, coolkid extraordinaire. At some point, Vantas walked in and began to harangue Strider, seemingly for no real reason.” Dave pauses and shoots a furtive glance at Karkat, who is quivering with barely contained rage. “The Senator even reports hearing foul language, not proper for polite company, issuing from Vantas’s mouth.”

Terezi seems to be on the edge of her seat, but Dave knows her well enough to realise that she’s putting it on. “And then?”

“And then, your honour!” Dave stands abruptly and slams his hands on the table like the acest motherfucking attorney alive, sending Lemonsnout flying. “Then Vantas proceeded to initiate a makeout!”

She nearly falls off her chair this time. “The _scandal_! The court would like to ask the defense if this is truly the case.”

“ _He_ initiated them!” yells Karkat, all fury. “There I was, minding my own business, when-”

“But the makeout occurred, did it not?” Suddenly Terezi’s voice is unexpectedly cold, and even Karkat seems to be cowed.

“Yes, your honour.”

“Then the court would like to make its verdict,” she declares in the same no-nonsense tone. “Please sit down, Mr Strider.”

Dave sits. He’s seen her in this mood before, and she’s being deadly serious.

She clears her throat before speaking. “By the power vested in me by legislacerators past and present, under Her Imperious Condescension, the court hereby finds the defendants to be head-over-heels black for each other.”

There is a startled silence, and then both Dave and Karkat burst out in unison.

“No way-”

“On what fucking planet, Pyrope-”

She quiets you both with a quick pap. “Best of luck, my cherry-red lovers. Consider this auspisticeship over.” Then Terezi Pyrope gathers up her scalemates with a grin, as if everything in the world was just so perfectly natural, and saunters away, and Dave is left wondering how exactly she’s so damn **good** at this.


End file.
